How to Save a Life by Kristin Harmel

Author:Kristin Harmel [Harmel, Kristin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781501122743
Google: s2sNCgAAQBAJ
Publisher: Pocket Star
Published: 2016-04-24T23:00:00+00:00

9

WE WIND UP at Arde & Joan’s, an upscale cocktail bar in midtown. I’m still not sure I’m doing the right thing by being here with Jamie, but at the same time, it feels inexplicably natural. I think of the bond Logan and I share, and the fact that it stems at least partially from hundreds of days that I have no recollection of. I wonder if connecting with someone is cumulative and whether Jamie feels closer to me than he would if he were actually meeting me today for the first time. After all, we have a past, even if he can’t remember it.

“So tell me about your diagnosis,” he says once we’ve ordered and received our drinks—a Manhattan for me, an old-fashioned for him. I like a man who likes his bourbon. “That is, if you want to. I don’t want to force you to talk if you’re not comfortable. I just thought you might need a friend.”

I stir my drink for a second. “I’ve been having headaches,” I tell him. “But I assumed they were just because I wasn’t sleeping well. I’d take a couple of Advil and get on with my day. But I finally went to the doctor, and well, long story short, apparently I have only a month or two left to live—although I kind of have the feeling it will be less than that.”

The color drains from Jamie’s face. “Surely there’s a course of treatment available.”

“No. My doctor said we could possibly try radiation, but it would just prolong things for weeks, at most, and it would be unpleasant. It doesn’t make sense to put myself through that if my time is limited.”

“But what if it lets you stick around longer?”

“It’s a quality of life thing,” I say with a shrug. “It’s a question of whether I want to deliberately make myself miserable for a large percentage of my remaining days.”

He stares at me for a moment, and then his expression softens. “I understand. You know, my daughter was a patient at Children’s. Caroline. She had a heart defect. She died when she was six, and I’ve spent a long time wondering whether I put her through too much. Every time her doctor recommended a procedure, I’d agree to do it, because I believed there was a chance I could save her. But I lost her anyhow, and I wonder if maybe all those life-saving measures just wound up torturing her.”

“You can’t blame yourself for that,” I say instantly. “First of all, you were following her doctor’s recommendations, right?”

He nods.

“And you don’t have a background in medicine?”

“Not unless you count all the reading I’ve done about Caroline’s heart condition.”

“Then it would have been irresponsible of you to second-guess medical advice from a doctor you knew and trusted. Doctors are always trying to do what’s best for kids. But sometimes, it just doesn’t work out. It’s tragic and awful, but it’s not because of anything you or the doctor did wrong. Conditions sometimes just don’t respond to treatment, no matter how much we want them to.

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